Weeweechu

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do "Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

 

 

WISHING YOU ALL MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

WISHING YOU ALL A GREAT NEW YEAR!!!

Polar Bear Attack

Polar Bears are SO CUTE!!

 

Polar Bear Attack!

These pictures are of an actual polar bear attack in Churchill, Manitoba. They were taken while people watched seemingly humored, and did absolutely nothing to ward off or stop the attack! Reports from the local newspaper however say the victim is expected to make a full recovery.

 

Cattle on a Thousand Hills

 

Dear Keith,

Happy birthday, bro – wherever you are! Today you turn 26.

 

Jesus keep you and bless you and watch over you always.

 

Are you still alive?

Where are you?

What are you up to?

How is life for you?

When will you call?

 

Love ya. Miss ya. See ya someday?

This I Know

I like the internet too much. I cannot just not use it, even if I have nothing to do. I sit there surfing mindlessly and wasting time.

 

Well, no more!! I no longer have internet at home. Not only will I save $50/month, but I won’t be able to waste my time! (or watch NCIS, CSI Miami, Burn Notice or Chuck online L).

 

We will see if I survive this month.....

 

So, this bird walks into a store

So, this bird walks into a store..... Marinette, WI

A seagull in Marinette, WI has developed the habit of stealing Doritos from a neighborhood convenience store.

The seagull waits until the Manager isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Marinette, WI, and helped himself to a bag of Doritos. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.

The Manager thinks it's great because people are coming to watch the feathered thief make the daily grab and run, and that's good for business, and especially since customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of Doritos because they think it's so funny.  However, the Manager did say, 'This is Wisconsin, and if that seagull starts to grab a 6-pac to go along with the Doritos, I may have to put a stop to it.'

Perspective

When you have an 'I Hate My Job day' [even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days] try this out:

 

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

 

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

 

Now the fun part begins.

 

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

is personally tested and then sanitized. '

 

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'

 

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS!

Safe or Not?

The 'safest' place may not be the only place where a person doesn't get hurt - it just means that it's safer than anywhere else!

How to clean a toilet

This is simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you:

 

1.   Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2.   Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3.   In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4.   The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5.   Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6.   Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7.   Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8.   The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.  

9.   Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Sincerely,

The Dog

The Culmination...

Ha!

Say What?

"Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we're 30 years old, we don't have a college education, we're qualified for nothing, and we're used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star."

~ Cindy Crawford, Supermodel

Cute Joke, Told Many Ways

~ Two Little Boys ~

After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

 

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.  "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.

 

"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said. "And I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes."

Time to Change

prayer. it's more than just ask ask ask for what i think i need or just want. it's a way to have a conversation with my creator. not just in church, or on my knees, but when i hear a new and awesome song or a stranger smiles at me or i get a call from a dear friend who i miss tons or take a walk and the scene around me makes my heart beat wildly with the moment Jesus created just for me to see in that moment, a sun set, sun filtering thru leaves, deer in the field, tiny flowers in gardens. and pictures of them all! in my mind and a few on my camera to remember. and no matter how creative i think i may be, my creativity could never come near to matching the wonderful creativity of my God who puts these things in my path to delight me and bring me closer to him. so, i feel silly, but i am excited to travel on this road that Jesus has planned for me no matter.

time to say 'goodbye' to my old wineskin and trade it in for a new one.

Psalm 62

Yours

by dizmas....


Web source for the latest music: onlylyrics.com
It feels like the sky has never been so blue
But that's not the way it used to be
Because there was a time that I was without you
Before I said that I believe

Ooh I need a savior
Ooh I need a savior

I want to give this up
I want to hold you hand
Take away this fear that's like an ocean in my head
I want to tell you now, What I couldn't say before
You are everything that I was always looking for

So take me where you want me
Take me 'cuase I want to be yours

I've got pride that I still have to break
It's keeping me away from you
And you stay patient while I make mistakes
I'm learning how to trust in you

Ooh always a savior
Ooooh

I want to give this up
I want to hold you hand
Take away this fear that's like an ocean in my head
I want to tell you now, What I couldn't say before
You are everything that I was always looking for

So take me where you want me
Take me 'cuase I want to be yours

In the good and the bad times
Ooooh
It don't really matter
I want to know you

I want to give this up
I want to hold you hand
Take away this fear that's like an ocean in my head
I want to tell you now, What I couldn't say before
You are everything that I was always looking for

I want to give this up
I want to hold you hand
Take away this fear that's like an ocean in my head
I want to tell you now, What I couldn't say before
You are everything that I was always looking for

So take me where you want me
Take me 'cuase I want to be yours

cat conversation to watch when you need a laugh

Sooo funny.  Watch these in order and praise the Lord for cats!!  hehe =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkczguZoI7k

Brand New Day

another one by Fireflight:

I’m waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I’m holding on
To things I shouldn’t
It’s time to let them go
I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away
I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I’m blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I’m
So much more
When I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Take me into Your arms
My home lies within Your heart

Unbreakable

by Fireflight

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They’ll return but I’ll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

Praise and Adore You

by Wavorly

What I have to say is obvious
A knowledge free, for all of us are
Your Word leaves us with no excuse
The paths we choose make us who we are
There’s a breeze blowing through here tonight

So I praise and adore You
Lay it all down before You
In every way You’re beautiful
From my heart
I praise and adore
You made the world beautiful
I cannot stand and deny
You created life
And some live without it

Wake up morning sunrise in my eyes
At night the moon lights all the sky
(Still some say You didn’t do a thing)
The sound of hope that’s in the air
In everything, it’s everywhere
(Reveals a truth that’s worth remembering)
There’s a breeze blowing through here tonight

It’s true, it’s all You

And every breath I take
There’s no way
Accident created this place

Best of SonShine 2008

Most Entertaining:  TobyMac

Most Anticipated:  Jars of Clay

Favorite New Band:  FireFlight

Favorite Show:  Newsboys

All Time Best:  Newsboys

Show to See Again:  Dizmas

Unexpected Enjoyment:  David Crowder

Funniest:  David Crowder

Fun Quote:  "Everyone smile!" - Zach, Dizmas

Longest Line:  Newsboys autograph line

2nd Longest Line:  waiting for the bathrooms to be cleaned

Best Non-Music Fun:  blog notes with Socrates

Learning New Things:  Socrates taught me Kiss, Hug, Date...

Best Non-Music Entertainment:  The Dark Knight

Favorite Purchase:  Newsboys sweatshirt

Favorite Food Item:  Walk'n'Taco

Most Annoying:  Peder Eide 'Sonshine. Sonshine, listen to me!'

Most Annoying:  sound problems at Main Stage

Loudest Show:  Skillet

Quietest Show:  Skillet

 

SonShine 2008 Recap

Wednesday the 16th

Good times, good times. We arrived Wednesday morning and it was blazing hot. So hot that my completely frozen bottle of water melted in 30 minutes and the sun screen burned when it was sprayed on. So, I drank the water and put the sunscreen in the cooler. Good times!

We had an awesome spot all picked out and set up right behind the HM Stage. Socrates borrowed some duct tape and taped the second tarp up to the building to form a little tent to sit under. But it fell. And we had to move the tent – it was too close to the building (someone else ended up putting their tent there for the weekend, tho).

So...we had to pull up stakes and move! We went across the walkway to behind a big screen tent with 8-month-old triplets crawling around inside. What fun! They were not happy campers. L

It was getting hotter outside so we melted into our chairs and all over the blanket. In the sun. It was not long, however, before we were nicely covered be shade from the screen tent. A nice, cool breeze also started up and with the added coolness we were able to rest for a few hours before Jars of Clay played.

7:30 finally came and we headed over to see Masi and Jars of Clay. Masi opened for Jars with worship music. They were pretty good, but the crowd where we were sitting didn't really care about them playing so there was constant jabber making it hard to really hear Masi, which really annoyed me. The Jars concert was great, the moon was amazing. Then it ended and Marco Polo started. Oh, HELP! A volley ball game also started right outside our tent. The ball even hit our tent a couple times! grrrrr

Ah, Sonshine.

Thursday the 17th

And then the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down. Everything in our tent seemed wet. Most of it was. Even the clothes in our backpacks! The mattress I was sleeping on had large pools of water standing on it later...

The Civic Center opened at 10, so I'm sure most people were in there. The rain continued pouring until 11. Many people were leaving, some were sitting in their cars (as were Socrates and I) and a few were out walking covered in tarps or blankets.

Both Socrates and I were a bit stir crazy sitting in the car. We couldn't see what time it was (car wasn't running) and the only sound we heard was the rain pattering on the roof. The windows were all fogger over so we couldn't see out the windows or the sunroof. Everything is damp and sticky. Icky. Blah. Hopefully the rain will stop soon. Socrates hopes in time for Dizmas and I hope in time for Superchick and Jeremy Camp. We'll see...

Friday the 18th

Oh, the travesty! Good day. What happened? I don't remember anymore...oh, wait!

Today was a good day. I saw Thousand Foot Krutch and almost Hawk Nelson and Barlow Girl, but after waiting for an hour of sound checks in the sun I decided to listen from the shade of our tent. I have some new CDs from the week: Maron, FireFlight, Wavorly, Dizmas, and some Skillet songs. YAY!!

Katie, you were right – I did like the TobyMac show! I would even go to another one with joy! Heather was very entertaining during the concert as well. Socrates saw Project 86 and she says to tell you that it was hoppin'! That it was raucous and pretty. She makes me laugh! Another concert I thoroughly enjoyed, but didn't expect to, was David Crowder. He was a hoot! I still won't get any of his CDs, tho.

Saturday the 19th

So it rains. Again. And it was creepy cold for July. brrrrr. My, how I shivered thru the night! Socrates and I have also both sustained injuries now. But life is good. J

Socrates is telling me how she beat a kid to the front of the crowd for a concert. She is getting all annoyed all over again. And no one is texting her back! We are going to see Dark Knight this afternoon while we wait for Kutless, Skillet and Newsboys. Then we go home J to shower and sleep. hehe. HELP! WE STINK!

One of the first things I do when I get home: WASH MY GLASSES!!!

Socrates sounds like a Veggie Tales character, "That girl had North Dakota pants on!"

I can really tell that Socrates had sugar for breakfast....if she could bounce around like a little rubber ball in the car full of blankets and clothes and food she would, and that isn't really stopping her! Except...it's her mouth that's bouncing very hilariously...and she's reading over my shoulder and has that funny voice again.

Andrew.....text Socrates back! She wants to shoot to injure you!

I have 4gb of fun pictures and movies which I will upload when I have time...the pictures are done, but I'm still trying to figure out iMovie on my laptop. It ain't so easy!

I must go bring Someone under control before she yells even louder at the 'small child' for smoking...

ANDY!

Must. Wash. Hair. It has been subject to the sweat of millions of people. EWWWW!

Sunday the 20th (in the morning, this all happened last night)

The Dark Knight was amazing! So funny! Not really Janet rated right now, but maybe once I buy the DVD parts can be fast forwarded. So good. Good like Hot Fuzz. J

Oh, sweet bliss! I got a sweet Newsboys t-shirt and so got to meet Jeff, Duncan and Paul! Peter apparently was not yet at Sonshine....Many other people also got one of the particular t-shirts that allowed us to meet the guys, so we stood in line for an hour together. J

Then we got to settle in for Newsboys!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, the wind was against us so we didn't get any of the confetti, but I did get a couple good pictures!

Scare in the Night

well, i now know what the fire alarm sounds like here in the building.......it woke me up! it took me about 15 minutes to realize that it was an alarm inside the building, not outside somewhere. and then i started scrambling to catch gita (deb's cat) and get to the car to safety...gita was scared, i was scared, and i couldn't get ahold of deb to see how to transport her cat! (she is in MI for the weekend) the alarm turned out to be false, so now i can unwind my guts, quit chasing gita and maybe go back to sleep.

what a night. i hate storms.

how sad

At my apartment, I have wireless internet. It is not very reliable – it keeps going out! There are many other wireless accounts in the building, and the one open one is more reliable than mine! So, I’m often using that one instead of the one I have. Sheesh!

oh, exasperations!

The more plans are made to do anything these days the more they change and move about and cancel!! It gets a bit frustrating at times..........I guess maybe I’m learning to be flexible? And to not plan so much and so far in advance!!!

Moving

This weekend.....I move. out of the air-conditioned basement to a 3rd story apartment with Deb!!
It's been a long time coming. Too long, really. But it's getting closer!! How exciting and scary!

Be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet

is fighting some kind of battle.

Feng Shui Horoscope

Watch your 'Thoughts,' they become words.
Watch your 'Words,' they become actions.
Watch your 'Actions,' they become habits.
Watch your 'Habits,' they become character.
Watch your 'Character,' for it becomes your Destiny.

Take just a couple of minutes to take this test & see what happens!
If you are honest this tells the truth -- it's pretty good.

Write your answers on a piece of paper, NO cheating!!
The answers are at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5 . Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

When you're done, scroll down. Don't cheat!

Answers:
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love
Black - you are conservative and aggressive
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you
love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
down

2. If your initial is:
A-K - You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R - You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love life is soon
to blossom.
S-Z - You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

3. If you were born in:
JAN - MAR: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you
fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
APR - JUN: You will have a strong love relationship that will last forever.
JUL - SEP: You will have a great year and will experience a major
life-changing experience for the good.
OCT - DEC: Your love life will be great, you will find your soul mate.

4. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will be the best
thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You have a friend who completely confides in you and would do
anything for you, but you may not realize it.

5. This person should be your best friend.

6. This is how many close friends you will have in your lifetime.

7. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.

8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

Why God Made Moms

BRILLIANT Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!

 

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

 

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

 

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

 

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1 We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

 

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

 

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

 

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

 

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

 

What's the difference between moms and dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine

 

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

 

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

 

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.  I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

 

without you

i'm lost and weird without you here

laugh

Pilot's Gripe Sheet

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the
only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a
plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. What reassurance for those
of us who fly routinely in our jobs!

GUF

·   A woman was trapped for three days in a New Zealand parking garage elevator. After finally escaping, the garage attendants tried to charge her for three days of parking.

·   Police in Cebu City in the Philippines killed a man while trying to prevent him from committing suicide.

·   In 17th century China, finely chopped tiger whiskers would be put on someone’s food to torture them. The microscopic barbs on the whiskers would cause the pieces to lodge in the victim’s intestines, causing painful infection.

·   A "moment" is actually 90 seconds.

·   In Middle English, "balded" meant white; the word survives in the shortened version "bald" which is why the bald eagle (with its white head) is called bald. Dogs who have white spots are called pibald (or "part white") for the same reason.

·   Mrs. was originally an abbreviation of "mistress," but now is not an abbreviation of anything, except a woman's single lifestyle.

·   The word "corn" is generally used in English-speaking countries to mean the most common grain. Thus, in England, "corn" means wheat, while in Scotland it means oats. What the U.S. and Canada refer to as "corn" is generally called "maize" in other countries.

·   Several visitors to the Memphis Zoo in the 1990's demanded to have their admission fees refunded when they discovered that a special exhibit on dinosaurs did not include live dinosaurs.

·   Representative Peter Smith of Vermont boasted in a newsletter to constituents that he had "traveled to cocoa-producing countries to again better understanding of cocoa addiction." To think he could have gone just a couple of hundred miles to Hershey, Pennsylvania instead.

·   In Iowa, a man was required to turn in his personalized license plate which read 3MTA3. The state claimed that, when viewed through a mirror, the plate read "EATME."

·   In 1992, an Alabama man admitted to trying to destroy the wild population of Alabama red-bellied turtles. He did it so that he could get a federal grant to reintroduce the species.

·   In Massachusetts, the mother of a boy who died after wrecking a car which he stole sued General Motors and the owners of the car.

·   In 1994, a 405-pound man sued Denny’s restaurant for $1.3 million under the Americans with Disabilities Act. The man wanted a Grand Slam breakfast, but no seat in the restaurant was big enough to fit him.

·   In 1992, the U.S. Postal Service was the defendant in an employment suit. Lawyers for the Postal Service had to file papers with the court the next day, so they sent the papers via USPS Express Mail service, which promises next day delivery. The papers arrived ten days later, too late to be of any good.

·   In 1994, the Telecommunications Commission of Northwest Ohio required TCI, a cable TV provider, to raise its prices 5%. The Commission said TCI’s fees were embarrassingly low.

·   In 1992, Canton, Ohio social workers charged a man with child abuse and neglect because his four daughters had cavities. The children were returned only after the man presented their dental records to prove that they indeed made regular dental visits.

·   Washington, D.C. police ticketed the same illegally parked car three times in a 15-hour period. Only after a passerby called them to investigate the vehicle did they notice that the car’s engine was running and there was a corpse with a bullet in its head in the back seat.

·   Between April 1993 and November 1995, the United States Postal Service engaged in a program of "downsizing." By the time it was over, the number of USPS employees had increased by almost 10%. About 99% of the new employees were permanent.

·   The city of Malibu, California has granted honorary citizenship to all whales and dolphins.

·   In 1993, the Environmental Protection Agency conducted a study to determine if people were being harmed by inhaling water vapor while taking showers.

·   In Clearfield, Utah, city officials wished to discourage the wearing of gang-related clothing. Thus, they banned the wearing of certain items at the 1996 July Fourth celebrations. The items included baseball caps, baggy trousers, and the colors red and blue.

·   In the late 1990's the Environmental Protection Agency's fleet of cars for official use consisted mostly of luxury cars (Lincolns and Crown Victorias), and the fleet averaged about 6.3 miles per gallon of gasoline.

·   In 1994, two women in Minnesota were ordered to stop giving free haircuts to the poor, a service they had provided for ten years. The women didn't have barber's licenses and the state Board of Barber Examiners didn’t like that. The women faced jail time if they did not stop.

·   The U.S. Federal Government General Services Administration has, since 1990, used the private company Federal Express to carry all of its overnight mail, rather than the U.S. Postal Service. FedEx offers overnight service to large customers for lower rates than the USPS does. The GSA renewed their six-year contract with FedEx in 1996.

·   It takes three Philadelphians to change a light bulb at the Philadelphia International Airport. According to civil service rules, a building mechanic must be called to remove the panel, an electrician must be used to actually change the bulb, and a custodian must be called to sweep the dust.

FAKE vs. REAL

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. / Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you

REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!'

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

 

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock out the person that talked bad about you

Edith Easter

Edith Burns was a wonderful Christian who lived in San Antonio, Texas. She was the patient of a doctor by the name of Will Phillips. Dr. Phillips was a gentle doctor who saw patients as people. His favorite patient was Edith Burns.

 

One morning he went to his office with a heavy heart and it was because of Edith Burns.  When he walked into that waiting room, there sat Edith with her big black Bible in her lap earnestly talking to a young mother sitting beside her.

 

Edith Burns had a habit of introducing herself in this way: "Hello, my< BR>name is Edith Burns.  Do you believe in Easter?" Then she would explain the meaning of Easter, and many times people would be saved.

 

Dr. Phillips walked into that office and there he saw the head nurse, Beverly. Beverly had first met Edith when she was taking her blood pressure. Edith began by saying, "My name is Edith Burns. Do you believe in Easter?"

 

Beverly said, "Why yes I do."

 

Edith said, "Well, what do you believe about Easter?"

 

Beverly said, "Well, it's all about egg hunts, going to church, and dressing up."  Edith kept pressing her about the real meaning of Easter, and finally led her to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

 

Dr. Phillips said, "Beverly, don't call Edith into the office quite yet. I believe there is another delivery taking place in the waiting room.

 

After being called back in the doctor's office, Edith sat down and when she took a look at the doctor she said, "Dr. Will, why are you so sad? Are you reading your Bible?  Are you praying?"

 

Dr. Phillips said gently, "Edith, I'm the doctor and you're the patient." With a heavy heart he said, "Your lab report came back and it says you have cancer, and Edith, you're not going to live very long."

 

Edith said, "Why Will Phillips, shame on you. Why are you so sad? Do you think God makes mistakes?  You have just told me I'm going to see my precious Lord Jesus, my husband, and my friends. You have just told me that I am going to celebrate Easter forever, and here you are having difficulty giving me my ticket!"

 

Dr. Phillips thought to himself, "What a magnificent woman this Edith Burns is!"

 

Edith continued coming to Dr. Phillips. Christmas came and the office was closed through January 3rd. On the day the office opened, Edith did not show up.  Later that afternoon, Edith called Dr. Phillips and said she would have to be moving her story to the hospital and said, "Will, I'm very near home, so would you make sure that they put women in here next to me in my room who need to know about Easter."

 

Well, they did just that and women began to come in and share that room with Edith.  Many women were saved. Everybody on that floor from staff to patients were so excited about Edith, that they started calling her Edith Easter; that is everyone except Phyllis Cross, the head nurse.

 

Phyllis made it plain that she wanted nothing to do with Edith because she was a "religious nut". She had been a nurse in an army hospital. She had seen it all and heard it all. She was the original G.I. Jane. She had been married three times, she was hard, cold, and did everything by the book.

 

One morning the two nurses who were to attend to Edith were sick.

 

Edith had the flu and Phyllis Cross had to go in and give her a shot. When she walked in, Edith had a big smile on her face and said, "Phyllis, God loves you and I love you, and I have been praying for you."

 

Phyllis Cross said, "Well, you can quit praying for me, it won't work. I'm not interested."

 

Edith said, "Well, I will pray and I have asked God not to let me go home until you come into the family."

 

Phyllis Cross said, "Then you will never die because that will never happen," and curtly walked out of the room.

 

Every day Phyllis Cross would walk into the room and Edith would say, "God loves you Phyllis and I love you, and I'm praying for you."

 

One day Phyllis Cross said she was literally drawn to Edith's room like a magnet would draw iron. She sat down on the bed and Edith said, "I'm so glad you have come, because God told me that today is your special day."

 

Phyllis Cross said, "Edith, you have asked everybody here the question, ‘Do you believe in Easter’, but you have never asked me."

 

Edith said, "Phyllis, I wanted to many times, but God told me to wait until you asked, and now that you have asked..." Edith Burns took her Bible and shared with Phyllis Cross the Easter Story of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Edith said, "Phyllis, do you believe in Easter? Do you believe that Jesus Christ is alive and that He wants to live in your heart?"

 

Phyllis Cross said, "Oh I want to believe that with all of my heart, and I do want Jesus in my life." Right there, Phyllis Cross prayed and invited Jesus Christ into her heart. For the first time Phyllis Cross did not walk out of a hospital room, she was carried out on the wings of angels.

 

Two days later, Phyllis Cross came in and Edith said, "Do you know what day it is?" Phyllis Cross said, "Why Edith, its Good Friday."

 

Edith said, "Oh, no, for you every day is Easter.  Happy Easter Phyllis!"

 

Two days later, on Easter Sunday, Phyllis Cross came into work, did some of her duties and then went down to the flower shop and got some Easter lilies because she wanted to go up to see Edith and give her some Easter lilies and wish her a Happy Easter.

 

When she walked into Edith's room, Edith was in bed. That big black Bible was on her lap.  Her hands were in that Bible. There was a sweet smile on her face. When Phyllis Cross went to pick up Edith's hand, she realized Edith was dead. Her left hand was on John 14: "In my Father's house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also."

 

Her right hand was on Revelation 21:4, "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, there shall be no more death nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."

 

Phyllis Cross took one look at that dead body, and then lifted her face toward heaven, and with tears streaming down here cheeks, said, "Happy Easter, Edith - Happy Easter!"

 

Phyllis Cross left Edith's body, walked out of the room, and over to a table where two student nurses were sitting. She said, "My name is Phyllis Cross. Do you believe in Easter?"