November 27, 2007

Oh Dear

Warning To All Dog Owners

Warning to all dog owners:

Watch your dog!

The State Highway Patrol in conjunction with the FBI has issued a warning advising all dog owners to keep their dogs indoors until further notice. Dogs are being picked off one at a time on an almost continual basis throughout the city. They are falling in great numbers. Police in the city advise all dog owners not to walk their dogs - KEEP THEM INDOORS UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!

November 26, 2007

WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.

 

1. Pray.

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and un-clutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many)

8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it!

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.

13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.

18. Eat right.

19. Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.

21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank you Jesus.'

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).

31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33. Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the universe.

36. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before.

A SPECIAL GROCERY LIST

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.

 

She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.

 

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store at once.

 

Visualizing the family needs, she said "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."

 

John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have a charge account at his store.

 

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.  The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"

 

Louise replied, "Yes sir."

 

"O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."

 

Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

 

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.

 

The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."

 

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

 

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.

 

It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:

 

"Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."

 

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.

 

Louise thanked him and left the store. The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said: "It was worth every penny of it. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs."

November 25, 2007

November 23, 2007

A Day with Jordan






(and Katie & Marcus, too!)






December Calendar

I chose a non-winter scene for December (and, actually - all year long!) on purpose, cuz when I'm stuck in snow (if there actually IS snow!) I don't like looking at my calendar and being reminded that there is snow. I'd be more likely to put a snow picture in June or July when it's hot to make me feel cold. This picture should warm me up, not make me cold!!

Unfortuantely, as I am writing this post, I do not know what I am up to...Since this post will not be shown for almost a year, who knows! Maybe I will have a new blog, maybe I will not be around...but, at any rate, let me know if you have liked getting calendars every month, and perhaps I will be able to do this again for next year!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 21, 2007

The Old Fisherman

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs, and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the Clinic.

 

One summer evening, as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door.  I opened it to see a truly awful looking man.  "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped and shriveled body.


The appalling thing was his face, lopsided from swelling, red, and raw.  Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening.  I've come to see if you've a room for just one night.  I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."


He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon, but with no success; no one seemed to have a room, and added, "I guess it's my face.  I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."


For a moment, I hesitated, but his next words convinced me, "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch.  My bus leaves early in the morning."

 

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch.

 

I went inside, and finished getting supper.  When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us.

 

"No thank you. I have plenty," he said, and he held up a brown paper bag.


When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes.
It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.


He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was prefaced with thanks to God for a blessing.
He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.


At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him.

 

When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded, and the little man was out on the porch.


He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he asked, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment?  I won't put you out a bit.  I can sleep fine in a chair."

 

He paused a moment, and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."

 

I told him he was welcome to come again.


On his next trip, he arrived a little after seven in the morning.  As a gift, he brought a big fish, and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen.  He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh.
I knew his bus left at 4 a.m., and I wondered what time he had gotten up in order to do this for us.

 

In the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.  Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed.  Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had, made the gifts doubly precious.


When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.   "Did you keep that awful looking man last night?  I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"


Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice.  But, oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness would have be en easier to bear.  I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint, and the good with gratitude to God.


Recently, I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse.  As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all, a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms.  But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old, dented, rusty bucket.  I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!"

 

My friend changed my mind when she said, "I ran short of pots, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail.  It's just for a little while, 'til I can put it out in the garden."


She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining just such a scene in heaven.  "There's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."


All this happened long ago, and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at.
Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

November 19, 2007

You Just Can't Fix Stupid

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. " Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

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My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

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A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine.  The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life is tough? It's tougher if you're stupid.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

November 16, 2007

God's way of saying 'Have a nice day!'

Pranks and Heart Attacks

Oh, the mess-ups that turn into the best practical jokes ever!!!

 

So....shipping closes in 10 minutes and there was an order they were looking for to that HAD to ship today. I was looking for it in our system but couldn’t find it...for multiple reasons. Come to find out, the order isn’t even entered yet!

 

I enter the order in a rush and get it printed for shipping, but they tell me I ordered the wrong product! To correct the problem, I backorder the wrong product, enter the right product, print that and get it out to shipping. A little stressful, as the printer doesn’t like me, but it all gets fixed!

 

Come to find out, the product is out of stock so the lab had to make it and the shipping guy decided to pull our QC chemist’s leg (he is the one who made the product for this order). The QC chemist was told that he made the wrong product and that he had 10 minutes to make and package the correct product to ship!!

 

He about dropped from a heart attack on the spot. After he recovered he went hunting for the production manager to yell at him for telling him to make the wrong product. I told the QC chemist that what he had made was right and the order was right and all that, but he didn’t believe me because the shipping guy had showed him the pick slip with the wrong product listed!!!

 

Oh, it was the highlight of my day! J It is not often that something like that gets pulled without anyone really trying!

Our Favorite Trip Moments!!

Seeing Kristina!

REVIEW! (you'll need a visual on this one)

Do the Deer Dog Dance...(another visual memory!)

Being Sneaky!

Seeing Kristina!!

Cows with Lollipops (don't ask)

'Gourmet' dinner at the hotel

Exit 16 - Where the Penguins Reign

Seeing Kristina!!!

Driving thru 'Penguin Falls' (I think it's really Pigeon Falls)

Stopping at 95% of the Flying J's along the way.

Flying J's steak buffet. (We seem to be able to find THE BEST steak buffets while on trips...)

Seeing Kristina!!!!

The play at Calvin was quite awesome.

Meeting Kristina's friends.

The wonderful, nice, helpful, wonderful, smart ladies at Whole Foods who get us back on track to get home!

Fog Bog Log Nog Sog....basically, any 'og' word!! (The Fog in the Bog driving over the Log while drinking Egg Nog.......)

Seeing Kristina!!!!!

Demon's - New Kid Menu (um...that was read wrong, it was really Damon's - New Kids Menu)

Finding a new super power - Driving while Sleeping.

Becoming 'Asleep At The Wheel'!!

Being pretty much Asleep At The Wheel and looking up to see a Deer in the middle of the road...but really it was dead and stuck on the back of someone's car...splat.

Seeing the LIVE deer by the side of the road - it kept me awake for about 30 seconds!

Shopping at Salvo's (just wait until you see the neat things we found!!)

 

Oh - and our FAVORITE part of the trip???

 

Seeing Kristina!!!!!!

(how'd you guess?)

 

Our Least Favorite Trip Moments

Janesville Visitors Center is Closed Until May

Missing the first toll on the Chicago Skyway...and now waiting for the ticket to come in the mail.

Sour milk for breakfast at the hotel (and sick all day)

Getting lost in Gary, IN. four times...

Seemingly being stuck forever in Gary, IN

Almost getting killed by that crazy driver in Chicago with the government plate at 12:33pm on the Chicago Skyway...he was driving on the shoulder and whizzed into our lane, almost totaling the car and us. That guy needs some driving lessons!

Finding a new super power - Driving while Sleeping

Driving Asleep At The Wheel in the Fog.......

 

Grand Rapids Trip Commercial

PRICELESS

Trip Tips

Tips For When You Find it Necessary to Drive Thru Indiana...

Ø      Never, I repeat NEVER! trust a toll booth person's directions to getting off the toll way and finding a gas station without having to pay tolls again.

Ø      Never stop in Gary, IN.

Ø      Make sure your gas tank is full before entering.

Ø      Don't drink anything, bathrooms are hard to find!

Ø      If you should need to stop, plan on losing at least an hour trying to find a gas station and bathroom. Then another hour to find your way back to the toll way.

Ø      Have plenty of loose change on hand for paying all the tolls getting on and off the toll way.

Ø      If you get lost, go to Cline and 169th St and stop at the Live Gospel McDonalds (but don't be hankering for McDonaldLand cookies, they don't have them). If you want to hear the 'Live Gospel' go to the bathroom! That's where the gospel music is.

Ø      Per our favorite Indiana boy, do not judge all of Indiana by troubles in Gary.

 

10 Ways to Ruin Your Trip to Grand Rapids to See Kristina

1.      Stop in Gary, IN

2.      Try to buy gas in Gary, IN

3.      Tollbooth directions for Gary, IN

4.      Drivers from Gary, IN

5.      Drivers in Gary, IN

6.      All the tollbooths in Gary, IN

7.      Unmarked roads in Gary, IN

8.      Badly marked roads everywhere we had to go.

9.      Take the wrong highway in Chicago

10. Almost get killed in Chicago by a government vehicle (with no flashing light or anything)

***(Thankfully, these all happened on our way back home! And they did not really ruin our trip to see Kristina, just the trip home to our beds...)***

 

Happy Day

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

November 15, 2007

A Visit to Kristina!!!

Haha, I took your picture too!

I sense a theme in Kristina's space....
Jordan, family, Jordan, friends, Jordan...and then there's...Jordan...


ACK! Kristina's Head!

Now there's two of her!!

Now, to find a space large enough to hang it up!

Awww...ain't we cute?

Tired Girl

Um...that's creepy. Thread was being pulled out of the puppy's ear.

Salt and Pepper packets in the Salt and Pepper shakers.

I can't believe this!

It smells...funny.

Awesome play! Videos going up...sometime.


Eating Fred on the way home.
Poor, poor left-over Fred who was rejected and thrown
about and almost forgotten in the freezer. brrrrrrrr.

Goodbye for now, Kristina! See ya soon!


More pictures here. :-)

Caught in the Act

These two were caught...

Shocking!!!

They were together in the house.

Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.

She screamed.

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.

He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.

He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.

He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on.

They knew it was wrong.

Their families would never understand.


So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors.

Just the faint click of a camera...






November 13, 2007

Jeff Foxworthy is now picking on Michigan

1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

2. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

3. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Michigan.

4. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

5. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.

6. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, (or at the top of his ankles) you might live in Michigan.

7. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.

8. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.

9. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan.

 

Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when...

1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11.  You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Ohio.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22.  You drink pop and bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing.

25. You know what a Yooper is.

26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.

27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them t o all your Michigan friends.

 

Have a Nice Day, and a Better tomorrow.....